Breastfeeding and Weaning

One of my favorite parts of motherhood has been nursing my daughter.  Breast feeding had been an argument between my husband and I throughout my pregnancy.  He wanted me to breast feed our daughter, and I did NOT.  I wasn't even remotely interested in trying.  To me it sounded gross,  sexual, and just plain weird!  My mother breastfed my younger brother and I, and after talking to her I still did not want to try.  When I was 6 months pregnant my husband and I went to childbirth classes at the hospital.  I received a small book on breast feeding, and one night I decided to see what all the hype was about.  

Everyone always told me that it was "best for the baby", but I had no idea why.  I learned about the bonding experience, the antibodies that get passed on from mother to baby, convenience, and the fact that making milk helped to get you back to your pre-pregnancy weight faster.  I decided that I would give it a try, but told my husband I couldn't guarantee anything.  I knew a lot of mothers who weren't successful with nursing, so I didn't want my husband to get his hopes up.  I wasn't even sure if I wanted to succeed at it!  All I knew is that I would try, for my daughter's sake.

I'm not going to lie and give you that "breastfeeding is so natural" speech.  The truth is, nursing is hard work and it takes a lot of patience and practice for both mom and baby.  There were times in the beginning that I wanted to give up, but I kept trying for my daughter.  I wanted what was best for her, and it was saving us a lot of money since we didn't have to buy formula.  It's especially hard on a mother because your partner cannot help out with feedings.  A newborn baby needs to eat every 2-3 hours round the clock.  Since we are the ones with the boobs, we're the ones up with baby every 2 hours.  It was rough, I had never been so tired in my whole life.  By the time I would wake her up, nurse her, and get her back to sleep I had about 30 minutes to sleep myself before waking her for the next feeding. 

Within a few weeks I was completely hooked.  My daughter Kayla was a fast learner, and by the time she was a week old we had it down.  I enjoyed feeding her, and I felt important.  I felt like she needed me, and it was an amazing feeling.  I decided to nurse her until she was 6 months old, and then wean her.  Six months came and went, then 7, 8, 9, and finally 12.  I couldn't believe I had made it to the one year mark.  The La Leche League recommends breastfeeding for a child's first year of life, however there aren't many moms that make it that far.  Kayla still showed no signs of wanting to stop, and I wasn't ready either.  


Finally, at 14 months old I decided to wean her.  I lasted 2 whole days before breaking down and nursing her again.  I can't even begin to explain how hard it was on me.  I walked around crying almost non-stop, and every time I looked at her it was the only thing I could think about.  It's kind of funny, considering I was so against nursing in the first place.  My husband kept reminding me of the things I would now be able to do, like whiten my teeth, drink caffeine, and eat spicy foods again, but somehow these things just didn't seem important anymore.  We decided (when I say we I mean Kayla and I) to go a bit slower, so that it would be easier on both of us.  I would nurse her only once a day, then slow down to once every other day.  We've been doing this for about a week, and it's been much easier on both of us.  

Tonight was our last nursing session.  I'm incredibly sad, but I know that it's time.  She didn't seem to want to nurse, and she even asked for a bottle instead of the boob at bedtime.  That stung a little!  It also made me laugh.  She's growing up fast!  I definitely don't think she was ready the first time we tried to wean, but doing it gradually has worked out for both of us.  Thinking about the fact that tonight is the last time brings tears to my eyes, and I know I have a rough few days emotionally in front of me, but time heals wounds. 

I feel so lucky to have been able to give her a great start at life by nursing her.  Did you know that her FIRST sickness was a cold at 13 months old?  That's simply amazing!  The bond that my daughter and I have is indescribable, and I know that it will only get stronger in the years to come.